Just Breathe Again Read online

  Pulling onto the busy highway, she picked up her cell phone and called Marsha, her best friend and one person other than Vince she trusted.

  ~~~~~~

  The two of them met when Vince built their house. They were the only other people on the road at the time. Marsha, outgoing and friendly with anyone, had to come over and introduce herself the instant she saw them one afternoon working on their house.

  “Hey neighbors,” she yelled, still in the car with her hand waving.

  Both Vince and Jeannie were sitting under a tree resting and having something to drink when she arrived. Jeannie, shy and quiet, was in no mood for socializing. She was tired, hot, and in need of a long shower after working on the house all morning.

  “What’s this?” she whispered to Vince.

  “It’s the neighbor, I think. Smile and be nice,” he whispered back through gritted teeth.

  “She looks like something from Woodstock,” Jeannie replied, forcing a fake smile as Marsha approached them.

  “Hey, I’m Marsha Felton. My husband John and I are your only neighbors. I’m so happy to see someone else out here, man. We have been here for ten years with no neighbors and I’m ready to go out of my mind with loneliness. Now, I have new friends. I’m so excited.”

  Ready to go out of her mind, Jeannie thought, she was already out of her mind. Jeannie took in her outfit, thinking to herself this woman must be mentally disturbed. She had on bell bottom jeans, a peace t-shirt, a bandana tied in her blond hair, and an arm adorned with bracelets. She reeked of patchouli oil and incense.

  Reaching his hand out to shake, Marsha was already on the ground kneeling in front of them. “It’s nice to meet you, Marsha. I’m Vince Franklin, and this is Jeannie, my wife,”

  “Hi,” whispered Jeannie, afraid to make eye contact with this strange woman.

  Marsha didn’t shake Vince’s hand. She reached over and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Before Jeannie could stand up and run, Marsha also embraced her in a bear hug.

  “Wow. I’m so excited to have you both here. I want you to come over for dinner tonight. John will be ecstatic to know he has another man to hang around with. I’m making my famous shish kabobs on the grill. What do you say, around six?” asked Marsha.

  Jeannie tried to get Vince to read her eyes as she bore into his pleading to get him to make up something.

  “Dinner sounds great. We can run home and get cleaned up. What should we bring?”

  “Not a damn thing, man. I invited you. I will leave you two alone and go home and get ready. I can’t wait. Jeannie you and I are going to be best buddies. My psychic told me last week, someone was coming in my life. Mamma, he meant you,” she pointed at Jeannie and winked. She walked back to her car which was a yellow vintage VW bug and slid in.

  “I can’t wait to show you around here. I will see you cats around six,” she yelled, waving her arm out the window. As she sped off, Janis Joplin blared out the open window.

  Jeannie let Vince have it as soon as the car was gone.

  “Are you crazy? I don’t want to go over there. She’s nuts. She referred to us as… cats. You can go alone.” She yelled.

  “Stop, Jeannie. She’s nice and it’s someone to talk to other than me.” His gaze was calm and cool.

  “I don’t need anyone to talk to but you, Vince. I’m too busy trying to make us successful. I don’t have time for peace and love and that hippie shit,” she yelled again.

  “You need to lighten up, Jeannie. You’re sounding like your mother, and remember I promised to tell you if you did. She looks like she’s going to be fun to hang out with tonight. We can leave if it’s too weird and they want to have an orgy or something, or we can stay and learn something new.” He smiled wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

  “It’s not even funny, Vince. If it’s a freak show over there I’m leaving,” she yelled.

  A freak show it wasn’t. Jeannie prepared to walk into a messy home full of furniture from the 1970’s, with animals running around everywhere, and macramé hanging on the walls. The place was a mansion in comparison to the home Vince built. The furniture, bought from one of the expensive furniture stores, Jeannie dreamed she would have one day. Their house was at least twice as large as theirs. Each room, decorated to a theme and the place, even had a guest house.

  The night was wonderful, sitting on their back patio with a fire place, a complete kitchen, pool, waterfall, and stocked bar. After a couple drinks, Jeannie sensed Marsha would be a perfect friend. She also liked to talk dirty, swear like a man, and she smoked a cigar. They say opposites attract, and she and Jeannie were two polar opposites. She became someone Jeannie depended on for anything. She was the first person Jeannie called on her way to the hospital.

  ~~~~~~

  “Hey Jeannie boo Beanie. What’s up, Momma?”

  “Marsha I have a favor to ask. I’m sorry to bother you. Can you go over and check on the kids later. Vince was in an accident on his motorcycle and taken to St. Cecelia’s. I’m on my way there now,” Jeannie cried.

  “Oh baby. Yes, I will take care of everything. Dear God. Are you driving in this condition? Is he going to be okay?” she asked.

  “I have no idea, Marsha. They life flighted him, which isn’t good. A jogger found him in the ditch and you know he won’t wear a helmet. I’m so afraid. I can’t lose Vince, Marsha. He’s my life.”

  “Stop it, honey. He’s a tough cookie. He’ll make it. I will take care of the kids. Don’t worry. You settle down and get to the hospital in one piece. Do you want me to call your mother?” she asked.

  “No, I will call her. I’m sure she will be on the next plane here to help, right. You know how concerned she is with my life,” said Jeannie.

  “This time will be different. Give it a shot, baby. Remember, I’m here if she can’t come. I have it covered. Be safe, beauty.”

  Jeannie dreaded the call to her mom. As soon as she picked up the call, she made it clear she was busy.

  “Jeannie, hi honey. Boy, you caught me at a crazy time. The contractor and I were outside going over plans for an addition on the house.”

  Jeannie tried hard to keep herself together and not start crying while on the phone with her. “Mom, Vince has been in a terrible accident today on his motorcycle and they helicoptered him to the hospital in town. I don’t know if he’s going to live.”

  “Dear God. What happened?”

  “I don’t know yet until I get there. I’m on my way to the hospital now. I thought you needed to know, just in case.”

  “Yes, thanks for calling honey. Please keep me posted as soon as you find out. I will have my phone with me. I can’t leave, but if you need me, please let me know,” she said.

  She had to be kidding. If Jeannie needed her? Her husband was in critical condition and she had two children at home confused and scared. Jeannie heard the excuses before and they were nothing new.

  “Okay, Mom. I will let you know.” That was all her mother ever gave her.

  ~~~~~~

  Finding the parking garage, she followed the arrows up to the top for a free space. Not locking her car, she rushed inside taking the stairs two at a time. As she raced to the front desk, she lost her shoe, and had to back track. She forgot her purse in the car, and decided to leave it in there, even if she didn’t lock the doors. By the time she made it to the information desk, she was drenched in sweat.

  “May I help you?” asked the lady at the front desk. Jeannie noticed her name tag said Beatrice. She had bright unnatural red hair, black eyeshadow, and was eating cookies when Jeannie came up to her.

  “I’m looking for Vince Franklin. A motorcycle accident and they brought him in by helicopter,” she said, with a shaky voice.

  Beatrice did a few heavy taps on her keyboard and squinted at the screen as she chewed. She told her where to find him and Jeannie took off down the hall. Once inside his room, she found out Vince’s prognosis had worsened. In fact, he had not gained consciousness since he ar
rived and they placed him on life support. He wasn’t responding, and a brain scan showed little activity at the time. Vince wasn’t wearing a helmet when he had his accident, and his head hit the ground sustaining a devastating blow. His brain bruised from hitting the road, swelled in his skull, and they were planning to cut open his skull to give his brain room. Never in her life did she think about something like this affecting them. This didn’t happen in real life. Accidents like this were something that happened on the news or in movies. How could this be?

  ~~~~~~

  For seven months she lived at St. Cecelia’s, talking to her husband and pleading with God to let him live. She prayed, begging God to work a miracle and bring him back to her. She longed to see Vince’s beautiful dark eyes, and hear his voice one more time. She wanted to hear him call her name. Hearing his voice again wasn’t meant to be. Little did Jeannie know, the last words she would ever hear from her husband, he said before he left on his motorcycle that beautiful fall day.

  The swelling in his brain wasn’t improving like the doctors had hoped. Each day the realization became inevitable what had to be done. She kept telling herself Vince would get better. He pulled through everything. Yes, he may be a little banged up after this and take a while to recover, but to Jeannie he had to live. He wasn’t going to leave her like that, devastated and alone. He promised to always be there with her forever and he didn’t go back on his promises. Vince didn’t give in or call it quits on anything in life. She knew he would come back to her and be her husband again.

  Jeannie and the kids spent most of their time with Vince talking, singing to him, and sharing holidays as he lay there unresponsive to anything. They spent Thanksgiving eating with Vince in his room while his favorite football team played on the television. Jeannie brought turkey and the sides from the local grocery store, and they ate together around his bed. The kids insisted Vince have a Christmas tree, so Jeannie bought him an artificial and they decorated the tree for his room. On Christmas day, they spent the entire day with Vince in the hospital with the three of them singing Christmas carols, and opening his presents they had purchased for him.

  By spring, Vince’s health was beginning to take a toll on them. The kids knew everyone on staff and loved spending time with Vince yet longed for their old lives back. They were doing poorly in school, and Lydia missed out on running track. They were exhausted from staying at two houses and not knowing what would happen from day to day. They didn’t want to go home or leave their dad’s side and when they were at the hospital, they didn’t want to be there. It became both physically and mentally draining on everyone. On the days when the kids were in school and Jeannie had to work, Marsha and John helped with homework and dinner so Jeannie spent her evenings with Vince. Some nights she would sleep in the room with him and get up the next morning for work still exhausted. She ran on adrenaline and caffeine during those awful days.

  The bills piled up from the hospital and suppliers for the business. They had a crew of men needing paid, projects needing finished, and Jeannie had no idea how she would manage. The bank account dwindled away fast and Jeannie had to use their savings to pay what they owed.

  Seven months after the accident, Vince still wasn’t making any progress. He wasted away lying there and soon became unrecognizable. His once toned and perfect body turned into a bag of bones, not moving or responding to anything. After a long discussion with the doctor, he determined Vince wasn’t going to get better and would stay in a coma for the rest of his life.

  “Mrs. Franklin, I know this is difficult for you and your family. Vince is not improving. He may not come out of this coma. This is difficult to say to you. His organs are beginning to fail. I’m afraid you have a decision to make.”

  She hung her head down and looked at the ground. “I know.”

  “We can keep him alive like this for a while. The end results are not good. He won’t have a normal life again, and possibly never leave a hospital. I don’t think Vince would want that life if he had a choice. Nobody wants to die. I have not met a patient happy to die or one that would want to live poorly either. This is a tough decision, Mrs. Franklin,” he said.

  Jeannie knew what had to be done. She asked Marsha to keep the kids that night. She needed to be alone in order to accept the inevitable and make the best decision for Vince. The night passed in waves of screaming, crying, and sleeping in the darkness of her room alone. She laid in bed and screamed his name, hoping maybe somehow his soul would hear her. When she couldn’t scream anymore, she cried. She cried from the depths of her being. Why? If he would have waited a minute or two longer to leave, this wouldn’t have happened. If he would have not gone, he would still be with them. And out of total despair, Jeannie wished she would have agreed to go too so that she could die along with him.

  Even though he couldn’t speak, he could still breathe. She would lie next to him in the hospital with her head on his chest and listen to his beating heart. She talked to him and read him motorcycle magazines out loud. She told him how the kids were doing, what the weather was like. To Jeannie, if he was breathing, he was her husband, and life flowed in his body. She didn’t want to give up on him. If for some miracle he did survive, he would be a vegetable and have no real life. He would not be able to speak, walk, or take care of himself. She had to consider him and what quality of life he had being hooked up to a machine. Jeannie knew Vince would have been pissed to be dependent on people for everything. She had to let him go and let a part of herself die. Stopping the machines that kept Vince alive was the hardest thing she ever had to do. She couldn’t comprehend the fact she was going to end her husband’s life in a few hours. They wouldn’t grow old together, share milestones in their children’s lives, or watch their grandchildren sitting on the front porch. Was she making the right decision? What if he came out of his coma? What if by some miracle he survived? She stayed up crying and pacing the floor until the sun rose the next morning. She screamed for God to give her a sign. She begged for anything to tell her what she was about to do was the right thing. As the morning light broke through the dark bedroom, no sign came.

  That morning, they went to the hospital to do the inevitable. Lydia was so upset, Jeannie had to pull over and let her throw up twice. A horrible morning she wouldn’t want to relive. A morning she couldn’t get out of her head. With a shaky hand and tears streaming down her face, she signed the papers stopping her husband’s heart from beating. She would feel the last and final beat early one rainy morning. She talked to him before they did turn off the machines and told him how much she loved him, how much she was going to miss him, and what a wonderful husband and father he had been. The kids said goodbye and poor Lydia hung on to him as tight as possible, begging him to stand up. John and Marsha were there with her. John had to pull Lydia off her father and take her out of the room screaming and crying.

  “No, Daddy. Please wake up. Please don’t leave us,” she cried. Michael hung onto Jeannie and screamed.

  “Mommy, don’t let them take Daddy. Please make them stop. You promised he would be okay. Mommy stop this.” That morning was an unspeakable walk through hells door. The kids were led out of the room and it was Jeannie, Vince, and the nurse when the equipment to keep him alive silenced forever. Jeannie kept her hand on his chest and stared at his face as his heart slowed down and eventually stopped. The long beeping noise told her Vince had left. In her life, ending her husbands, had to be the worst thing she ever did or ever would do. When it ended, they took Vince away and gave her his belongings he had on him the day of the accident. Everything he wore, and anything left in his motorcycle, was put in a bag and given back to Jeannie. She took the bag home, put it in her closet, and couldn’t bear to look at it till much later. She couldn’t look at his things and smell his cologne, still lingering on his clothes.

  Jeannie had to figure out a way to pay for his funeral. Her mother, Victoria decided she had time to come up after Vince died. She stayed for two days in a hotel. Jeanni
e’s mother offered to pay for the funeral. She offered to pay the funeral expenses, including the plot of land needed to bury him. Distraught and desperate, Jeannie accepted her offer without an argument. The only other option she had was to have him cremated and bring him home in a box. Not what she had in mind for the love of her life. Jeannie went with her mother to the funeral home to pick out a casket and a plot near his parents in Cedartown Cemetery. His plot was under a tree and while they were purchasing it, Jeannie’s mom purchased two more plots, just in case. The day of the funeral pulled at Jeannie’s stability. She was wrecked and tried to keep it together to get through the day. Jeannie made it through the mass and to this day, she doesn’t remember much of the service. Once the funeral ended, her mom wouldn’t let her forget what she did. Victoria didn’t let things like that go when she did anyone a favor. Jeannie didn’t care. Just to get through the days was hard enough. She couldn’t worry about what she owed her mother or how she would pay her back.

  The next day, Victoria had another excuse to leave in a rush. This time it was a small surgical procedure she was having and could not cancel. Her mom’s quick departure was overwhelming to Jeannie; her mom didn’t stay and help her with the kids. She didn’t even offer. It was more like “I told you so” attitude she had and did not want to stick around to be asked to help in any way. Jeannie had no intentions on asking for money, she needed her mom’s love and support and nothing else.

  Lydia and Michael were a total mess. They didn’t want to go to school, church, or anywhere. Michael cried in his sleep and Lydia stayed in her room under the covers. For the longest time they blamed Jeannie for letting Vince die. They thought she should have left him alone and maybe, he would have woke up. She was alone, broke, and devastated. As the weeks went on, the devastation of their lives took hold. That’s when Jeannie’s world came crashing down on her even harder.

  Jeannie fell into a deep depression and could not keep up with the bills. Within a year they lost the house, land, the cars, and everything they worked so hard to keep. Jeannie refused when Marsha tried to give her a loan. It wasn’t her responsibility to help with their problems. To spend time with the kids was one thing; giving them money was something different. She had to take the kids and move to the one place they could afford. Marsha insisted they move into her guest house for a while. Jeannie considered, but couldn’t accept. She had to depend on herself and it was a big imposition to move in on her best friend. Through someone at work, she found a trailer to rent for next to nothing. She couldn’t imagine living in a trailer ever in her life. Her mom would have said she told her so, but what anyone said didn’t matter. Jeannie had to do what she could to keep a roof over their heads, and food in the refrigerator.